HOW TO BE A 'LAGOS BIG GIRL'

 All hail my Lagos big girls...All hail the 'not so big girls'(I think this is where I belong)...In this context am not talking about Lagos 'Fat' girls,am talking about the highly influential and sociable girls.They are the ones that get invited to all the fancy parties and know all the super cool people! Have you been craving for this kind of lifestyle? Do you want a colourful Christmas? Do you want that rich Bobo on your Instagram page to notice you? Would you like to be a LBG(Lagos Big Girl) calm down o jare,you just need to have certain things put in place and in this post I have highlighted some of the important things you need..
    -A wardrobe Change:This is highly essential,you don't want to end up been invited to an outing or showing up in public looking like a highly devoted deeper life church member! You want to be classy and attractive.Pack all your money,starve yourself enter a boutique and shop away.Afterall,the result would be desirable right? If possible sef incure debt while doing the shopping(some 'big girls' buy cloth on credit don't be deceived).The higher your debt,the higher your big girl status...
   -An Accent:Looking good is not enough you have to sound good.Open your mouth and let everyone stare.You need an Accent! American,British,Italian,French,German.,anyone you desire but not a Nigerian accent!! Apparently,Nigerian accent is too razz for a big girl you don't need it! You don't need to leave the country before you can acquire an accent it's not that expensive,watch a couple of oyinbo movies and you are good to go! Even if you gbagaun nobody will notice because your accent will cover it up.A lot of LBG do this you hear..
  -A good hair:To complete your look,you need one or two of those hair that flows like water(oh this is on my Christmas wish list too) that kinda hair that will be soft and flying everywhere.Brazillian,Filipino,Peruvian,Argentinian,horse hair anyone! Sha let it reach your bumbum and let it flow like water..By their hair you shall know them! With a good hair even from miles away people can spot you..If you are planning the LBG transition with a friend,you two can contribute money to buy a wig so you can share between eachother(don't be shy most LBG's it's borrow borrow make me shine they are doing) ..
   -Fleeking Makeup:You need to learn how to draw eyebrows well like you used a compass and ruler,it has to be on fleek,learn how to highlight and contour.A couple of MAC lipsticks(you don't wanna open your makeup purse and let this roll on kinda lipgloss they use in the 90's pop out of it na) you must always be on fleek! Even if you are going as 'mogbo-moya' to an owanbe,you have to be fully caked up,if possible go to a makeup artist sef(you never know when Mr Rich will pass)...
  -Change your Location:You can't be living in ikorodu(i grew up here Mehn),Ketu,ojota and be doing LBG! My friend move to the island! Even if you will contribute with five other girls to live in a single room In the boys quarter,Do It!! Go to exotic places,clubs,cinemas,bars and the rest!Nobody will know that's where you are coming from after you are all dressed up with your accent to go with it.
  -24/7 mobilization:You need a steady cab man,Even if you get called at 2am you need a reliable cab man that would take you there,he must be willing to go anywhere with you,even if it's in the Devils yansh! A cab(since you can't afford a car yet) makes your entrance more elegant,you can't just stroll into a place with your 'legedis benz' looking like an aimless person! Also,you need a cab man that is understanding so that he will understand when you can't pay him instantly too...
  -Elevate your social Life:Be on all social network! Instagram,snapchat,Twitter and the rest! Start following existing LBG's,famz them well! Like their pictures,tell them they are pretty and on fire even if they look scary,say sweet things,call them boo/bae and leave all those cute love smileys under their pictures.With time they will notice you and you might as well be invited to one of their lavish dinner parties! Just like that,you don hammer!!!
    You can follow the steps above to become a LBG or you can just save yourself all the stress and embrace yourself the way you are,no stressing No forming! Whoever would love you,would love you just the way you are regardless of all your flaws.Remember,Only God is Perfect...l

WHAT'S YOUR SELLING POINT?

  First things first,I am not asking you about your six packs,overly big and shaped boobs and ass,am simply asking 'what can you offer' !
    I can't help but emphasize on the high rise of misplaced priority in our generation! Social media can be said to be a blessing and a curse now! One of my lecturer in school once said something I can't seem to forget,she said if you are a woman and you are beautiful and intelligent,congrats! If you are not fine(everyone is created beautiful but let's be realistic some people are just overly deprived in the looks department) and you are intelligent too,congrats also,if you are beautiful and not intelligent well it's not too bad! But if you are not fine and not intelligent,biko what's your selling point? As humans,we all need to find a purpose in life.
      Using myself as an example,I am always scared to make moves or start up anything! My pessimistic side comes up and kills everything.I start thinking 'what if I fail' then it got to a point and I had to atleast try! I used to date a guy and the relationship ended on a sour note.Before the relationship ended,he had this particular girl he was crazy about(uncle told me that's his family friend oh,but na lie!!! They were digging each other dangerously) eventually he dumped me for the girl.On the girls birthday,he put up a picture of her on his Instagram page praising her based on her numerous talents and skills..then it struck me! I wasn't showcasing any talent,I wasn't offering him anything! I was just one of those other girls that disturb's a guys life! I felt really bad because I know I could actually do a lot of things but I wasn't doing any of it.Then my blog was created,I read my books more(I won't lie I don't like school) and yes I am a GRADUATE!!!
      To be realistic,the  world today is more of a man's world.Lots of expectation have been placed on women and lots of women are beginning to make positive moves and creating a Better life for themselves.Asides from developing yourself to be good for 'that man',developing yourself also satisfies your Ego,even God will be happy with you.I know someone reading this will probably be thinking 'oh because she has a blog now she thinks she's a CEO and can dish out advice abi' carryon but I will say my own!
      It is so nice to have a closet filled with cloths and shoes and knowing how to highlight and contour the face properly(somebody needs to teach me this) but what else can you offer the world.Nobody is sent into this world without any talent.Pick up yourself,don't just spend all your money or sugar daddy's money on brazillian hair,start a business if that's what you are into,go and look for that your dream job,if they turn you down go back there again till they pursue you with security.Life is more than material things,some people that we know are buying houses in banana island and it's not like they have three Breast it's the same two that you have oh.Oya getup like that and make that beautiful life of yours meanigful.
    Do something...be different....

'HEAD' or 'NO HEAD'

     The 'art' and 'act' of giving head,blowjob,oral sex....whatever you people call it in ur various bedroom,kitchen or even inside the car,has become an important or not so important criteria among various people..
      Just in case you didn't know the original Oyinbo word for these things are 'FELLATIO'(the use of mouth in sexually satisfying one's penis,by another) and 'CUNNIGLINGUS'(the use of the mouth in sexually satisfying one's vagina,by another) don't worry this isn't another sexual post! Harlot!!!!!
     Overtime,have met a couple of people that would do anything to receive or give head and some would hate you forever if you ever bring up the topic! I was in the room with a friend and I was commenting on how fresh her laps was(am not a lesbian!!! Am straight!!) and I jokingly said your boyfriend won't mind giving you head o..The look she gave me was hilarious and could lower even a president's self esteem,she finally replied with 'ki lo ma so pe oun' wa labe mi' (what will he say he's looking for under me) I laughed so hard my ribs hurt!  Another male friend of mine once said he can never give any babe head for any reason,I asked him what if he was tied down and the babe opens it all on his face? He simply replied with 'ehn I'll let her bring it and bite off her clitoris' very mean somebody!! On the other hand,some guys will tell you that if a girl's head game is on point,they could wife her up almost immediately,and some girls will also say a man that gives head is husband material..different strokes for different folks abi how them they talk am?
   Also,in giving head I guess expertise matters too,don't just go there and plug all your teeth like its corn! Easy tiger!! We don't want bruises down there you know..some couples also fight on whether to give head or not! Find someone that satisfy's you sexually,because as much as we all hate to admit it because we are from Africa and we are not supposed to like sex or talk abt it bla bla bla,Sex is a very important criteria in any relationship.
     I know by now some of you will be wondering what my own personal take on this topic is.Ok I'll tell you,as a bonafide CAC member,our pastor said we must not like things like this but if not for our pastor ehn I would have......ok that's it!! Before pastor himself see's this!! If you don't mind,you can share your own opinion about this topic too.Don't worry your pastor won't see this too!!

5 TYPES OF GUYS TO AVOID..

   After seeing this topic I know some guys will just roll their eyeballs..Yes roll it! If you are among any category of guys am about to mention.I have absolutely nothing against the male clan(of course am straight!) but it's just natural for me to tend to support the ladies and know more about guys and what they do to us! Out of my own little experience,here are five types of guys you should try to avoid! A grown man is usually hard to change unless he decides to change on his own!
     1)Baby let's see how it goes:- Issalie!!!! Don't fall for it! It's not going anywhere! A guy that can't make up his mind about what he wants from you from the beginning will probably not want anything serious eventually! He's saying lets see how it goes but at the same time wants to have a taste of your merchandise! He's only trying to be on a safer side! You can't complain when you see him with other chics,or when he doesn't call or pick yours! Why? Because apparently you people are not dating! Even when he's done with you he's not expecting you to cry or call him a heartbreaker because he told your desperate self from the beginning that 'let's see how it goes'  if he wants to see how it goes,he shouldn't be expecting full privilege Na.This type of boys are very unserious especially if you are in desperate need of a boyfriend,Just dust your bata and move to the next eligible bachelor! 80% of let's see how it goes leads to nothing! You peoplewould just grind eachother for a long time and you'll be impressing him so much hoping one day he'll elevate you! You will turn to a ninja and vixen in bed,chef in the kitchen! Just save yourself the stress of asking 'so what are we' every time,move away!!
     2)Have got lots of plans:- So this bobo has been asking you out for a while now and when you ask him so what do u do,you'll hear things like 'am an IT consultant' 'am a freelance marketer' 'am a business man',ok no big deal! There's no day bros will ever tell you he just got back from work,or work was stressful! He's always pinging 24/7! Please is it Ghost that this bobo is working for? He'll keep saying 'mehn I need to hammer,I have to make it in life,i don't want my children to suffer like I did,I have to be richer than my grandfather' in the babes narrow mind you'll think you have seen ambitious man! If you ask him so what are you doing towards achieving all these goals,he'll reply with 'baby calm down,I have plans'! Bros no get degree oh,he no learn trade,and he's not even working! Is he planning ritual? Most of the time these kind of boys just have vision but are too lazy to carry it out! Just do yourself the favour of finding someone else that would challenge you and help you become a better woman!
      3)Woman beater:-I can't seem to stop talking about this point! A man that lays his hand on you the first time and you stick around would still do it again and again! Am sorry to announce to you,he won't change! Stop hoping! I have talked about this topic in my second post so I won't wanna bore us with it again! No matter the promises he makes the first time or how hard he tries to entice you he,the same cycle will still repeat itself! You'll date a guy that abuses you physically and you'll still go ahead  to marry him! Mehn my sister I have no comment for you! People have lost their life's,and body parts all because of men like this! Don't let anyone put sand sand in your fine garri abeg! Shift far away!!!
       4)Self centered boys:-All they know or think about is themself and their little brain downstairs! These kinda boys will use all their money to buy iphone 6 and timberland(oh how I hate those things) but won't buy ordinary milk for their girlfriend if she falls sick! Their one naira can never fall into your hand! It's complaints all the time but they can chill with the guys and pay for all the henessy in the club! When it's that time of the night whether you want sugar or not they will obtain it from you by force! Everything they do is right,make one mistake and you are in for it! Self love is essential,but not to the point of leaving little love for others!
      5)Insultive boys:-these boys are dangerous! they will strip you off of any self confidence or self esteem you have left! They will give u 5naira and expect you to worship them for the rest of your life! Any little argument you two get into,he starts to call you names even adds your parents to it.He reminds you constantly that if not for him you'll still be suffering.When he's angry you are all his to vent and rant to.This will only cause you more emotional trauma daily.Save your heart,reputation and parents the disgrace kindly move far away!
       Am not an expert in these things though but my dear brothers and sisters,my eyes have seen quite a bit and here I am giving out my own opinion......

MISS INDEPENDENT.

   At one point in life,every woman wants to be 'Miss Independent' some of us get to achieve this and some of us don't(we just end up marrying one rich alhaji that pays all the bills).Women are usually seen as the weaker vessel most times but some women actually do have goals.Some women are lucky enough to always meet men that pays the bills and does all the buying,as for me ehn 'shi shi' I no dey see.If you are in my shoes too don't worry it's not that old woman from your village that is doing you,it's just the way God has designed you.My aunt used to say women that don't get to meet men that spend lavishly are going to be more successful in their career(shey you see,you gotta work for your own money)
   Whenever I get to meet one rich bobo and I fink yes it's time to eat the fruit of my labour,na lie I'll still be as broke as ever.Aka gum boys(stingy boys).During my third year,I supposedly hit jackpot! Just like that I met a guy willing to celebrate my birthday for me(I barely even throw parties) I relunctantly turned down the offer hoping he won't agree too but the guy kept on persisting.He'll say 'baby no o,owo yi wa(the money is there) let me celebrate your birthday bring your friends' I agreed and I brought five of my friends.JUST five oh,I didn't overpass my boundary.Apparently,bros brought the whole crew and gang to the club.Awon hype men club yen' le ko eyan si gbese(the hype men in the club can make you run into a debt) they were shA hailing him oh,he was popping,they will hail again he will pop oh till he spent a reasonable amount of money(it's the hype man's fault not mine na) I admit I was high after the party but I already instructed my friends to make sure I get home safe because I wasn't ready to give anyone sugar! Lol the guy vexed oh that after everything I ran away without paying in kind! I successfully maneuvered my way through that day but I didn't know trouble awaits me! Few weeks later,his friends cornered me at the filling station and seized  all my belonging(phones,chain,na only my cloth remain wey then no comot) the jackpot I thought I finally hit was trouble pot! I had to pack different people to start begging and pleading on my behalf before they left me.
     No man will want to help a woman without wanting some sugar darling.it has become a normal phenomenon in our society today.You will say 'send me credit na' you will hear 'show me your boobs'.This is why it's advisable most times to always be on a safer side,work for your money darling! Don't get me wrong oh,an not saying if you jam someone nice enough to lavish his money on  you,you should now turn Him down! Enjoy it while it lasts,but when you learn to make your own money it lasts forever! When you make your own money legally,you won't be forced to give anyone sugar in exchange for money,the sugar giving will be something from your heart and not as a form of payment....

FRIENDZONE PART 2!

Continued from part One...
        He kissed her passionately and fondled with her breast so hard she released a slight moan out of pain and satisfaction! Daniel tried to reach for her already dripping wet cunt..she tried to wriggle free from him and she layed him back down and pushed his hands down,she slowly whispered to him 'let me please you' his breath seized and he couldn't help but imagine the kind of pleasure he was in for.Kike used her tongue to slowly trace down his nipples to his belly button down to his huge hard manhood! At this point he was stark naked and waiting to be satisfied...
       She placed her hand on his dick and gently stroked it up and down,concentrating on the cap of his dick..Daniel was definitely in cloud 9 already..he was begging her not to stop.Kike kissed his dick with her soft luscious lips,she gently placed his dick in her slightly opened mouth,just like a Pro she started giving him a bomb ass blowjob! She added enough moisture and this gave way for smooth movement,she sucked on his sharp cap for some few minutes,this led to a long moan from Daniel,she shifted to his whole dick gently massaging his balls.She stopped to suck gently on his balls for some few seconds before she resumed back to his dick.This time the sucking got more intense and vigorous like she was sucking on a strawberry lollipop.Daniel couldn't help vibrating and moaning,he has never gotten such sexual pleasure before in his life,he couldn't help but wonder where this woman had been all his life,why she never really wanted him to be her man.He was certain he wanted her and  it wasn't even because of the sexual experience.He stopped his mind from wandering so he can enjoy the moment and not ruin it.Kike was still doing her thing,pleasuring him just as she promised,with his mind back in business he knew he was going to bust a nut anytime soon.Just as she was still sucking on his dick,he managed to let out a long moan like sentence 'am cumming'!! Kike smiled with the corner of her mouth and continued to suck his dick faster he finally realeased in her mouth and she sucked it all up till the last drop of semen! She fell back on her back and they both slept off! Daniel sure had a sweet dream that night...
        The next morning,Daniel woke up before her his mouth still slightly bitter and tongue dry from yesterday's drinking.He looked down on his five years crush and she was just laying there innocently,he smiled and kissed her forehead she shifted gently in reaction to the kiss.He thought to himself 'who could ever think kike was capable of pleasing a man that much' yes she was pretty but he never imagined her to be such a vixen.He woke up to get them something to eat,he quickly put on his shirt and a short and went out to buy them the famous amala Skye bank in Ibadan which was just blocks away from his house,he came home with the hot amala and the ogufe playing around in the ewedu and gbegiri soup! The smell of the food woke kike up and she got up with her naked body to devour the food.Instead of concentrating on the well prepared amala,Daniel was busy scanning through her body,his dick was already rising and begging for mercy! They were already both energized by the food.They both layed down on the bed to rest and after a while,Daniel found his way to her boobs beneath the sheets!
      Kike was already turned on,Daniel handled her boobs with so much expertise one would think that was what he studied in school.They started kissing one another with Daniel's hand still placed on her boobs.He positioned himself on top of her and he reciprocated last night's act,He sucked her hard sharp nipple,slightly bitting it in between sucking.He moved down to her clean shaved pussy,his dick was hard and all he wanted was to dive into this woman he was already falling in love with but he wanted to please her too instead of been selfish.He sucked on the upper part of her clitoris,kike shrieked and moaned at the same tym! He licked her love hole,fucking her thoroughly with his tongue,he inserted his finger into her vagina and started fingering her wet juicy pussy,kike was there moaning and clawing at Daniel's back and clenching her legs,pushing Daniel's head deeper into her.She reached the peak of orgasm and she let out a long vibration and moan! She started begging Daniel to come inside her,he jumped up to pull out a condom from his drawer but she pulled him back and he went inside her raw! He let out a moan of satisfaction,kike was so warm and juicy on the inside,the walls of her  pussy were so accommodating,it clenched his dick as though it was meant for him all along,he started out slowly so he won't hurt her tight pussy with his huge manhood.The deeper he went,the juicier she got.He started pounding her hard both of them fucking like thier existence depended  on it! He channeled all his amala energy into making love with her! She reached orgasm again the second time! Finally,Daniel realeased into her warm pussy still hitting her hard.He layed still on top of her and she hugged him gently tracing his spine with her fingers,they both layed on their side with Daniel still inside her and they slept off...Kike wondered too why she kept such a nice guy in her friend zone for five years while she was suffering in the hands of vicious Nigerian men..
      After one month,Daniel finally got the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend and he made sure he was certain it wasn't just because of the sex,she agreed to be his girlfriend.She had the best relationship ever with him,she started discovering all his good attributes she ignored for years,he was such an adorable and responsible man,Daniel was everything a woman could ever ask for.Kike thanked her stars she elevated Daniel from the friendzone dungeon she threw him! Six months later,after a round of hot mind racing,satisfying sex,Daniel rolled over on the bed and went on his knees to ask kike to be his wife,she said YES amidst tears and excitement and they both resumed their usual business of love making! They both lived happily ever after!
     By the way,your future/husband of wife might just be standing patiently in your long queue of friends Shake up your friendzone basket because you never can tell!

FRIENDZONE!!

     This story is as a result of the writers imagination,no real person was involved in it...and because some people like twisted stories like this..18+.......Enjoy!
      Kike was a 24 years old successful investment banker,a beauty to behold too,she just left a toxic relationship that lasted for three years,she was sad but somewhat relieved(atlast she had her life back).Meanwhile,there was this male friend of her's she left in the friend zone for five years straight! Daniel on his own too was quite a successful business man,28years old,a whole house to himself and a nice ride that would make any lady have an orgasm just by merely looking at it! They talk about everything and anything! Kike knew he had feelings for her but she never acknowledged it and he was too shy to also admit it! As nature would have it,he was single and so was she...
      Days went by and they would hangout,talk,share jokes and laugh together...On this particular day,they decided to stay in to have a drink or two..Daniel came up with the idea of playing a card game,since they were at his place,he brought out a bottle of whiskey from his bar and ice-cubes from his fridge.The rule of the game was whoever looses a round gets to take a shot from the whiskey! They both agreed and started the game,hours went by and they were both drunk,kike was still more conscious than Daniel..they ended the game,and just like two drunk people,they started laughing at everything.The atmosphere was getting tense and more sexual,with both party exchanging glances at eachother! Daniel was a very shy guy and he didn't know if he was to make any move or not,at this point,kike pushed him gently towards the bed in a seductive manner! Daniel just layed down there as if he was been electrocuted..his mouth dry and his heart beating and racing fast..kike just smiled and placed a kiss on his forehead..she reached for the already melting ice-cube and put one cube in her mouth...she kissed his neck with her cold mouth and Daniel could feel his whole body tingle beneath her..it was then he realized how much he really wanted this woman,how badly he wanted to hold her and make passionate love to her..but as a gentleman he kept still and let her have her way..
       She continued to kiss his neck and ears,after a while,she lowered down to his already hard nipples,she sucked on his nipples and this brought out a long soft moan from him,as she was sucking and bitting on one nipple,she had her soft tender finger on the other nipple rubbing it gently and sensually.She wanted Daniel inside of her badly,but she was waiting for him to make that move,but Daniel was still shocked to even think of doing anything...she went down to his belly button and she could hear butterflies fluttering in his tummy!! She placed her hand on his already bulging manhood that was about to tear his boxers open! She was surprised!! Daniel was so huge down there,this increased her craving..Daniel was just there moaning and squeezing the bedsheet so hard and violently..she found her way through his boxers and placed her hand on his bare manhood..at this point Daniel jumped up to pull her to himself and.........
        To be Continued.....

HOSTEL SHAGGING!

         On a cold and lonely night,I was doing what I know how to do best,pressing my phone! It was exactly some few minutes past 10pm(I know this because I checked the time).My room in the hostel is directly opposite another guys room.Few nights before this particular incident,have been hearing sexual moans from the guys room,I woke up d next morning to do ofofo but almost everyone didn't believe and felt I was making it up,well I kept quiet!
         This particular night,there was PHCN light(something that doesn't happen often),and the hostel was still partially alive.This babe came in like a thief in the night,nobody knows who she is(because I didn't get to see her face sef)at around 10:20pm,I started hearing the moaning again oh,it was so intense and I could hear the ecstasy and satisfaction in her voice,but the guy's voice was nowhere to be heard! I thought my ears were playing tricks on me initially,so I dropped my phone,went close to my window and I strained my ear again! Alas! The girl was been given the sexual satisfaction that could last anyone a whole lifetime! I knew that night it wasn't just me that was going to hear it! I needed to prove people wrong! I opened my door and went to another room in the hostel that people were still awake and watching tv,I told them 'e wa gbo o'(come and hear) before you say Ore is lying again! The guys hurriedly went out to feed their ears and to confirm it too! Yes I didn't drop fake gist! Hehehehe....
        I went back to my room thinking have heard the last of the sexual saga! Ashey brother she'she bere ni! (The guy just started) before I forget,the guy is a constant user of cannabis(Igbo) so picture what am trying to convey! They finished what I'll refer to the first round around 11pm! Don't stay there and be wondering how I know that o! Ok ok,I'll spill it! Around 11pm,the sound stopped and I heard movenments and the light came on! Are u satisfied now? Lol gbeborun! They talked for a while and I went back to press my phone.Few minutes later,I started hearing 'ohh am not doing again na,ohh,ohh,arrrgh,yeahhh....*talk fades,moaning resumes* at this point,I was irritated(not that they were making konji catch me oh),I was irritated because the girl totally forgot she was in a 2x2 hostel not a room in Eko hotel and suites! And she was moaning and screaming without a care in the world and at the top of her voice! Minutes to come,they stopped again to talk and I heard a stainless cup falling down! The talked for a while before I started hearing 'haa again' this time she didn't moan,the sound was a sound of discomfort amidst tears! All I could hear was 'haa you will kill me today oh,please c*m na'  after hearing this,I burst into laughter! Didn't she know what she was coming to face when she decided to come and spend the night with a cannabis lord? Loro kan sha,they went three hefty,womb shifting and body aching rounds!
       In my own opinion,have never really been a huge fan of relationships in school,or having sex in the hostel! I prefer away match lol! I wouldn't want anyone invading my privacy anyhow he likes! Considering the fact that boys in my school are masters when it comes to kissing and telling! Mess up today you will hear the whole gist  d next day or even a soundtrack to back it up! What sails my boat,may sink another's oh.If you choose to date or have sex in the hostel atleast for the sake of others,lower down the volume of your moan station!

WAKA WAKA..

 

*singing* I woke up flawless--nah that's a lie! I woke with a swollen mouth(this is what happens when you are blessed with a Pomo lips) swollen eyes,and slight mouth odour from yesterday's onion(Suya something)...yes! I remember this gist am about to drop vividly and yes this one happened to me!! *covers face*
    I was in my 2nd year in Uni and I had this boyfriend that lived in Lagos.We were crazy lovers kinda,on today off the next,argue today make up the next...and so on....I had this guy that I was friends with while I was in Lagos,he was much older and somehow I felt safe,we would hangout,talk about my relationship woes and everyother thing(I only said hangout oh before you start thinking of something else).This particular Friday,I was in school and I was off with my boyfriend again,we kinda broke up and it was messy with tears and snort,and 'my friend' asked me to come to Lagos so I won't wound myself with crying and wailing and I innocently agreed! I packed my things and embarked on my journey.
    After 5 long and boring hours I got to Lagos,it took me another 1 hour to get to his own side of lagos and this was around 5pm.He welcomed me into his home,he had friends around too and we all exchanged greetings,he offered me rice and I said till later(if to say I know I for chop that rice).I was still watching tv when my guy went inside the room,few minutes later he came out and he asked me to bring my things inside(we were friends and used to eachother,no biggie na) innocently again,I strolled into the room and this bros was already positioned on the bed! I tried to ignore him and act like nothing was wrong! He told me to come sit down to discuss,he was on the bed I was on the wooden chair in the room! Na so bros drag my hand to his bulging crotch and started accusing me of been responsible for it oh(shuu how na,we were meteres apart).He started giving me the 'c'mon you are not a baby na,you know what am trying to do' sermon.I told him to let go and to also erase any thought of a sexual act between us! His face changed like person wey smell shit it was then I knew there was fire on the mountain and the time was past 6pm! I jokingly said 'if you know this is how we will be struggling all night let me start going to my house oh(and the house I was shouting nobody knows am in Lagos,traffic was going to make me end up at home around 12am),I felt after saying this his Agro was going to calm down! Na lie bros took my advice whole heartedly! He ordered me to 'get up' and 'get my things' that he was going to drop me off at the junction at around 7pm with nowhere to go! Mehn some of the male clan are just plain wicked oh! All because I no wan chop banana,is it by force? Han Han! I got up,picked my things and he dropped me off! I remember slamming his car door like it was his head I was slamming!
      I was under Ojuelegba bridge in Lagos,7pm,low ba3 with my bag like a homeless fellow!I checked my purse and I had just the exact amount to take me where I was going! The only option I had was to call my boyfriend! Yeah you remember him? The one I mentioned earlier that we broke up! Luckily for me,my boyfriend wanted me back but I was still doing Shakara! My Shakara ended that night oh before lagos boys snatch me and I end up eating more than one banana in one night! I called him up with my half dead battery to confirm if he was at home(my boyfriend now my ex tho,lies a lot so I didn't really believe him,it was a 50/50 chance) praying on the other side that he was truly at home,Few minutes later,I got to his place! Thank heavens he was at home! He asked where I was coming from,a part of me wanted to scream 'SURPRISE VISIT' the other wanted to tell the truth! I eventually told him the truth and he laughed at my sorry self! I sent a very disturbing and life threatening message to this my so called friend(if you know me well you'll know I could be crazy on the low) and till now I never heard from him!
      Bottom line,this saying that 'having a female friend is just like keeping a chicken as a pet,one day you'll eventually roast it or be tempted to cook jollof with it' is somewhat true.It is very rare to find a male friend as a female that won't eventually want to rip you apart and have a tour around your merchandise! Ladies,always make sure you have emergency money with you just incase you run into someone that thinks with his manhood just like my dear friend.And oh guys,there's something called self-control,it works a lot you should try it out someday....

I MUST MARRY!

        Let's talk about MARRAIGE!!! Yes this word is seen as the essential rite of any living being before they go back to baba God.Lets face reality,some are lucky with it while others are well..not so lucky.I was gisting with my sister and this story came up so I decided to share with you guys...
        There's this aunty of mine that wanted to get married some few years back.She was in her late 20's and well all her friends were taken and she wanted to be taken too! My mum tried to hook her up with every single man she knew but my aunty will always come back with various excuses(he snores,he's a pastor,his kini is too big etc).Luckily for her she found someone! Errm I dunno how they did it oh,she got pregnant barely one month after meeting this man.Yes he didn't deny the baby,he agreed to marry her and wedding preparations started.My aunty's parent lived in the village so the wedding had to be done in the village(and you know all this villages where everyone knows eachother).Few weeks into the wedding,the supposed husband started acting up,he started womanizing and when my aunty tries to confront him he'll beat her up like that was his hobby,he stopped picking her calls and would only call when he felt like it! My aunty came to tell my mum about the new development and my mum advised her to just do an engagement ceremony and let the church wedding be till everything was cleared up! But my aunty refused oh! Even her parents refused! Their excuse was 'ehn we have told everyone in the village,we can't be put to shame,she must do the wedding,God will reboot his head and yeah she was still pregnant.Few days to the wedding,my guy showed up again(atleast he didn't embarass his bride totally).Even with the fact that he showed up,my aunty was out of love already and the marraige was more like an obligation.
      On the wedding day,one could easily see the sorrow In her face and everyone was screaming at her to cheer up.She was a sorrowful bride,the groom pretended as if nothing was wrong(isn't that what the male folks are good at)they did the traditional wedding and the church wedding that day.She followed her husband's family home after the wedding because that was the normal procedure..but to everyone's surprise she ran back to her father's house the next day,she picked her things and ran to our house in Lagos! She didn't even do honeymoon chai! This was a typical case of love gone sour! My mum begged and persuaded her to go to her husband's house and try to work things out since she was already married to him.Two weeks later she agreed to go back! Everyone was happy for her thinking she'll finally get to enjoy her marriage.Na lie oh... Her pregnancy too was growing and getting bigger so was her suffering in her husbands house.This man would beat her up at any slight mistake and accused her of tying him down with the pregnancy.The one this man did that pained me to the bone marrow was his sister that he brought home to live with them! My aunty would cook and clean up after his sister.One unfortunate day,she was heading to the market but she forgot her purse at home so she had to go back home to get it,when she got home what she saw was jaw dropping and eyes popping....she saw her husband and supposed sister in law doing kerewa! Yes they were pounding eachother like deir lives depended on it! It turned out the 'sister' was his girlfriend and he brought her home to live with them! She got angry and started causing a scene(if to say she know she for just carry her purse they go jejely) he grabbed her and tied her hands behind her and flogged her thoroughly with a broom! Yes he dealt with his pregnant wife because of his girlfriend.
       Finally,it was time for her to give birth and as usual her husband didn't even show up he went away without a care in the world! He came back before the baby christening just so he could give his daughter a name.He didn't want to have anything to do with the mother or the baby...when the baby was a year old,my aunty finally had the courage to file for a divorce,they got divorced and that was the end of that marraige!
       The pressure society,family and friends gives shouldn't push us into making life threatening decisions.Marraige isn't something one should rush into just because everyone is getting married.She saw the signs from scratch but she still went ahead all because she wanted to be addressed as a 'MRS' Dear sir/ma,I know waiting could be tiring but just see it as God preparing you for the best.Try to live life to the fullest and work on been a better person.....

TO BLEACH OR NOT TO BLEACH???

   This particular topic is something almost every Nigerian girl is guilty of! Yes even me...after writing down this topic,Patoranking ft Olamide-ki lo de te'n bora came to my mind! Girls have used all sorts of names to explain this act,ranging from toning,lightening,even bleaching! As for me I just toned oh.

     Looking at my pictures from secondary school and now I look totally different mehn,not like am a full blown light skinned girl now,but compared to my skin color then it's totally different! Same thing applies to some girls I know,the only difference is that some of them are whiter than Oyinbo now! After bleaching,you'll see Instagram handles like 'whiteDiva' 'whiteBerry' as if no o they were given birth to white! Don't get me wrong tho! I can't crucify anybody for deciding to bleach and become white! It's perfectly normal not to have the same skin color over the years,the weather is changing,hormones are changing,the food we eat isn't the same and oh boyfriends are changing too(if you know what I mean).

    However,we all have our various reasons for wanting to change our skin color.There was a time I had this very horrible pigmentation on my face and I was desperate for a solution! Google became my best friend and I'll ask any clean looking babe I see for what body cream she was using! Yeah that's how desperate I was! I found quite a couple of self acclaimed facial therapist tho,ranging from Bismid to iya Tega(unilag girls supplier).Some people just believe going some few shades lighter will make them beautiful,while some just wanna be white so their market can sell more! Believe it or not,peer pressure makes some people bleach too! They don't wanna be the black sheep of the crew,forgetting that black is beautiful! I would give Anyfin to have the Genevieve or kelly Rowland kind of complexion sha! The issue of dark knuckles come into the scene too,I found out dark knuckles atimes isn't as a result of bleaching! Anyone can end up with dark knuckles even guys! I have this male cousin that wanted to be fresh like Wizkid at all cost! My nigga will rub all sorts of cheap things ranging from GnG,bioclaire,funbactA,sivoclair and the rest o! Atlast he got a solution! I even thought my cousin don arrive oh,not knowing he just started! He got light at first and he had the opportunity to be wizkid for one month! After one month,my cousin burnt like dodo wey den forget for fire! His skin would make you throw up,I just  kept on wondering if it was really worth it!
      What shall it profit a babe to bleach and her furo still remains black? That place is hard to bleach mehn! This post is actually gonna be a short one tho but we need to take our time and think about the implications of bleaching that skin(you don't even know if your future husband won't like light skinned girls! No husband for you niyen o),see if it's worth it before doing it,if you feel it is,why not my sister/brother bleach away jare....

419 BUSINESS!

Been long you saw me right? Exams are finally over and all I need right now is a vacation with 'bae' bet who is bae? What is bae? Where is bae? Jesus knows best! 

     I was lounging jejely on my own oh,then a friend of my friend came in looking moody and all.As an inquisitive rat,I had to probe into her dry mood,and yeah I got gist! A very juicy one at dat *hehehehe* Apparently,she was broke oh(no money,you know economy is not good na),and there was this guy she had known for a while on her blackberry messenger.According to her,this dude was always flaunting cash,them louboutins,Rolex and stuffs on his display pictures,so as an olojukokoro she got attracted.On this 'ghen ghen' day,they both got talking and she explained her financial situation to this bros,he then told her that she has been dulling herself all this while,and that he has been asking her out so he can take care of her and spoil her with money,who no like better thing! And she was also single! Perfect timing Abi? So I thought too! 

     They both agreed to finally see and they picked a date and location! At this point I was already yearning for more gist with my ear positioned well and I tucked my wrapper well between my laps.Her place to his was a bit far though,but he instructed her to take a cab that he was going to  give her back the cash.As a fine girl,she dressed to impress and embarked on her journey.Few hours later,she got to where the guy was,which was an HOTEL! She said the bobo looked fresh and fly.He welcomed her,took her to the hotel bar and told her to order whatever she wanted to eat(hungry geh she said she ate quite a few things sha),after all this he came up with the normal 'don't you think we should chill in the room a bit' line! Well,she agreed! He payed the waiter at the bar and they both left for the room.

     On getting to the room,konji don dey hold bros,and he started making moves,she already liked the guy's package and since he asked her out already,she felt there was no biggie in giving in! Well sha,one thing led to the other and they errm did daddy and mummy! After hearing this i shouted 'Kai Jesu'! After the deed has been done,he got up to clean up(iyanma,iranu,Abasha! This part is not for children like me) he got dressed,and she stood up to do the same,he asked if she wanted orange juice after the marathon and she said YES! He told her to wait for him and he went out to get the Juice! Well my fellow brothers and sisters,only if that dude is going to come today with that juice oh.She said she waited almost an hour he didn't show up! She decided to call him but she discovered he has blocked her number! I just shouted 'haa,won ti lu e' ni jibiti obo'(haa you have been defrauded sexually).The dude left without refunding her cab fare,or even giving her any of the cash he promised her! I just told her to thank her God that he even payed for all they ate! Till today,he's nowhere to be found! She said she cried her eyeballs out oh and went home poorer than she was initially.I only watch this in movies but hearing a real life experience totally amazed me! 

     I can only imagine how many girls get defrauded like this by this guy! I don't even know who to blame,the lady or the guy? Did she really deserve such treatment? What's the guys aim? Ladies always be careful and smart,guys have mercy! 

BIKE RIDE WITH A PERVERT!

Its exam season in school and as a final year student,mama gats read na.Out of my 'trying to be serious' mode,i went for the much talked about night class(its just mini tutorials with my classmates),we finished around 9pm.Atlast! It was time to go home,i bought bread and akara(it ended up tasteless and I went to bed hungry) and we all went our separate ways.I had to find a bike to take me home,luckily I got one but I had to share with someone else(the yeye trend here),this time I was sharing with a guy(its not even up to 5mins drive so it wasn't much of a big deal to me).We got on the bike,i was in front and he was behind me,the road leading to my hostel gets very dark and quite at night and thanks to the contribution of PHCN also.The guy was with a lamp on one hand and his textbooks on the other hand,the one with the textbook was resting close to my boobs,at first I thought it was the gallops on the road that was shifting his hand to my boobs,'a shey bobo yi fe ma temi lo'yan ni sha' (this dude wanted to press my breast),i pushed his hands away,it didn't end there oh.The guy then pretended not to be comfortable on the bike,he then told me to raise my butt up a bit so he could balance well,immediately this dude started dry humping me,shifting his mouth to my neck as we entered each gallop,sniffing my hair out,iya ma je mi o(i suffered),it was a dark road and the bike man was even riding slowly like it was pre-planned,i couldn't scream or tear him slap in fear of what was going to happen to me,from the corner of my eyes I could see this guy raising his hands up,lost in deep ecstasy,the dry humping got intense and vigorous,the PERV even had the guts to tell me to raise my hands when I asked him why in a disgusted tone,he said 'my hand is not balancing well because of my textbook' I just hissed.I could hear him moaning behind my ear it was then I screamed on the bike man to drive fast jor.Lo and behold,this guy errm,bust a nut(you know na,lemme keep the messy details)! We finally got to my destination I got down,looked at him from head to toe and hissed,paid the bike man and as I was just leaving the perv said 'Sister Am sorry'.I felt pity for him and different questions crossed my mind,could it be the people from his village behind his case,could it be a psychological problem,could it be my well moulded butt or he was just merely sex starved? Someone like this is capable of carrying out rape if given the opportunity,because all this happened under five freaking minutes! Not everyone walking around is sane,we need to be self conscious and teach our female children self defence and how to say NO(not just sit on the bike like ugwu in fear like I did).

'HAD I KNOWN'

   She was a young beautiful woman,dreamy eyes that could pierce into even the strongest heart,hair dark and nourished,body nicely built by God himself,one could say he took his time to create her.She had a great Job and a great family,what more could she ask for? A young woman in search of happiness and fulfilment in life,she was considered perfect by her peers,she seemed carefree n worry free but deep down,she had her worries too.She too considered herself lucky because she succeeded in everything but one thing! LOVE! This four letter word was missing in her life.Often times she tried to console herself saying 'afterall,love isn't important I have my family'      He was a successful young man,every woman's fairy tale.He was 'Prince Charming'.Tall,caramel,beards nicely laid just like a rug in a king's palace,eyes so beautiful,innocent looks,lips so small and colourful any woman would want to chew them off,and Lord! His smile was so divine.He had everything going on fine for him,Love or Lust(as the case may be) wasn't a problem for him.He could have any woman he wanted.He just wanted to have fun,who would blame him,he had all it takes.                Fate brought them together,the one searching for Love and the one that wanted to have Fun.At first,he pretended to be emotionally attracted to her,they clicked instantly n she thought 'this is it', the happiness he gave to her was immeasurable,everyone around her noticed the new glow in her.If only she knew she was playing with fire.Prince charming had his own intention's all he wanted was to 'chop and clean mouth' For someone that wasn't used to been tied down,he tried his best to ruin what they had,coming up with different tactics and strategies.She saw what he didn't see in himself,she knew this human was capable of loving her just the way she wanted,this gave her hope and motivated her.She was patient with him,she showed him unconditional love,she overlooked all his series of atrocities and non-challant attitude.She was determined ito make this work,but he was ready to tear them apart just so he can get his freedom back.He wondered how a woman could have this much patience even after all she has been through,deep down he had a feeling he didn't want to accept,he was in Love!              

EVIL SPIRIT IN THE HOSTEL!

It was a typical night in the hostel,generator blaring,students fighting for space just to charge their phones,and everyone gisting and laughing at whatever.As usual oh I was in my friends room pinging my 'paseros' and lowkey chopping life.Everyone was comfortable already and all of a sudden we heard BLOOD OF JESUS!! Fear gripped my intestines and sent cold shivers down my spine! I rushed out of the room with my friend to inspect what was happening oh,then this particular babe(a celestial church of christ member) was the one pacing about screaming Blood of the Lamb,she was already surrounded by other members of the hostel that was interested in knowing what was going on.She explained that she just felt the presence of 'EVIL SPIRIT IN THE HOSTEL',i thought to myself 'ok na today na today',other girls too started saying 'ehn,my head is rising I can feel it'.The blood of Jesus girl went in to take her garment n started screaming 'call my mummy'.At this point everyone was already in total fear,praying and 'kabashing'.She called out series of numbers and non of it was complete,that was when we all knew there was trouble,this babe was in serious spirit,pacing up and down.People started calling home asking them to pray for us oh.As for me o,am not allergic to long life I took my phone and charger and left the hostel that night with my friend and all I could think of was 'evil spirit ke'. We finally gathered the courage to head back to the hostel the next day.Since I didn't witness the concluding part of the whole drama,i decided to ask around how it ended(i don't like ofofo,i just don't like been in the dark na).I asked 1 girl 'how far na' and she said and I quote 'mschewww,ma da wo'n loun jare,wo'n fi igbo sinu spaghetti fu'n girl yen la'na ni na'(*hiss* don't mind them,they kept 'IGBO'=Cannabis in that girl's spaghetti yesterday) and I was like WHAT!!!! All that false alarm because of cannabis??? The babe ate spaghetti seasoned with 'IGBO' in some guys room and she started seeing evil spirit!! Moral Lesson: IGBO(cannabis) is not for everybody,watch what you put into your mouth and who you get yourself involved with not everyone has good intentions and lastly SAY NO TO DRUGS!

SAY NO TO 'BABY IT WAS THE DEVIL'

Domestic violence is an issue that fails to go into extinction! Boda boyfriend comes up with lots of excuses for his actions(baby jor it was d henney at work not me,am sorry baby its the devil)hian it was all you and your temper! This particular topic reminds me of this fine babe in my hostel.She lives with her boyfriend(its more like her boyfriend camps with her because she owns the room).On a normal Saturday morning,you'll see this sister and her boyfriend doing laundry together,fetching water together and they'll make u ask yourself where u were when they were sharing such an adorable boyfriend! Now Fast Forward to some few hours later,its table scattering,hot slaps flying around the air,juicy ibo curses and no one dares seperate them.Even after all this chaos,they still come back together and I always wondered why,not until I had my own personal experience! Mr S(now my ex before the boy beats the living daylight out of me) likes drinking but can't handle it.I'll explain myself chill,give Mr S two bottles of Harp at your party and once he's done with d 2nd bottle just end your party straight oh,cos its going to be unnecessary fights and argument garnished with violence,I usually end up been the victim,chopping slap in private and public places.If we(myself and his friends) eventually manage to bundle him in a car home,i'll hear myself vowing not to go back to him! Na lie! Mr S has his strategies too,thats when he'll give me his ATM card(with tears)to withdraw whatever amount I want and treat myself out! As a 'longthroat' i'll accept his apologies(who no like better thing),this went on for two years and his excuse was always ALCOHOL and yet,he refused to stop drinking! Reality dawned on me when MR S gave me sweet lashes of his belt like say I steal(and he wasn't even high on alcohol that day).All am trying to say is this,domestic violence should stop,no woman deserves to be beaten up for any reason.Women dust your 'bata' too and don't be tempted to stay with a man that hits you.You deserve better than been someone's punching bag,i know you might be thinking 'if i leave him where will I start from',have you also thought about the fact that if he kill's you he's going to keep living his life(and you'll probably be in one corner crying in your white cloak while watching your man knack another woman's apako).Our strong men,i hail una oh! Please change and give the woman you claim to love rest of mind.

WHERE IT ALL STARTED!

Today,14th April 2015,at exactly 11:40am..i decided to do something meaningful with my life and well this was what i came up with A freaking Blog!!!! Lol so cliche abi,atleast for someone that wanted to be a disc Jockey at one point and a make up artist at another time,and well a radio/tv presenter sometime in future I finally made a move! Gemini's suck at making decisions don't blame us.Anyway,this Blog isn't about anything in particular,am gonna talk about everything and anything,trust me my life is way juicier than u can imagine.I think this traffic am in helped me in starting this up,incase you are wondering where am heading to,am on my way to my 'End Of the World' uni,EKSU(Ekiti STRIKE University),like every student,I can't wait to be a graduate!! Yass baby! I finally scaled through ikorodu traffic and am at Ojota park(this place stinks shuu).Nigerians and their hustle spirit is second to none! Men and women selling all sorta things and practically poking them at my face,m trying to stay cool like a good geh with good home training! In the midst of all this wahala,i can sight 1 conductor giving me eyes and am thinking to myself 'baba God,is this what your daughter deserves'? Finally a bus heading to Ado-Ekiti,as a sharp geh I found my way to the front seat,not cos it's comfortable,but this babe needs to charge her phone na(i no get motor but I get car charger! Na faith),about to begin this butt aching 5hrs journey! Am so excited as we begin this journey(not the one to ado-ekiti ofcourse) but this 'talk-talk' journey. PEACE.