HOSTEL SHAGGING!

         On a cold and lonely night,I was doing what I know how to do best,pressing my phone! It was exactly some few minutes past 10pm(I know this because I checked the time).My room in the hostel is directly opposite another guys room.Few nights before this particular incident,have been hearing sexual moans from the guys room,I woke up d next morning to do ofofo but almost everyone didn't believe and felt I was making it up,well I kept quiet!
         This particular night,there was PHCN light(something that doesn't happen often),and the hostel was still partially alive.This babe came in like a thief in the night,nobody knows who she is(because I didn't get to see her face sef)at around 10:20pm,I started hearing the moaning again oh,it was so intense and I could hear the ecstasy and satisfaction in her voice,but the guy's voice was nowhere to be heard! I thought my ears were playing tricks on me initially,so I dropped my phone,went close to my window and I strained my ear again! Alas! The girl was been given the sexual satisfaction that could last anyone a whole lifetime! I knew that night it wasn't just me that was going to hear it! I needed to prove people wrong! I opened my door and went to another room in the hostel that people were still awake and watching tv,I told them 'e wa gbo o'(come and hear) before you say Ore is lying again! The guys hurriedly went out to feed their ears and to confirm it too! Yes I didn't drop fake gist! Hehehehe....
        I went back to my room thinking have heard the last of the sexual saga! Ashey brother she'she bere ni! (The guy just started) before I forget,the guy is a constant user of cannabis(Igbo) so picture what am trying to convey! They finished what I'll refer to the first round around 11pm! Don't stay there and be wondering how I know that o! Ok ok,I'll spill it! Around 11pm,the sound stopped and I heard movenments and the light came on! Are u satisfied now? Lol gbeborun! They talked for a while and I went back to press my phone.Few minutes later,I started hearing 'ohh am not doing again na,ohh,ohh,arrrgh,yeahhh....*talk fades,moaning resumes* at this point,I was irritated(not that they were making konji catch me oh),I was irritated because the girl totally forgot she was in a 2x2 hostel not a room in Eko hotel and suites! And she was moaning and screaming without a care in the world and at the top of her voice! Minutes to come,they stopped again to talk and I heard a stainless cup falling down! The talked for a while before I started hearing 'haa again' this time she didn't moan,the sound was a sound of discomfort amidst tears! All I could hear was 'haa you will kill me today oh,please c*m na'  after hearing this,I burst into laughter! Didn't she know what she was coming to face when she decided to come and spend the night with a cannabis lord? Loro kan sha,they went three hefty,womb shifting and body aching rounds!
       In my own opinion,have never really been a huge fan of relationships in school,or having sex in the hostel! I prefer away match lol! I wouldn't want anyone invading my privacy anyhow he likes! Considering the fact that boys in my school are masters when it comes to kissing and telling! Mess up today you will hear the whole gist  d next day or even a soundtrack to back it up! What sails my boat,may sink another's oh.If you choose to date or have sex in the hostel atleast for the sake of others,lower down the volume of your moan station!

WAKA WAKA..

 

*singing* I woke up flawless--nah that's a lie! I woke with a swollen mouth(this is what happens when you are blessed with a Pomo lips) swollen eyes,and slight mouth odour from yesterday's onion(Suya something)...yes! I remember this gist am about to drop vividly and yes this one happened to me!! *covers face*
    I was in my 2nd year in Uni and I had this boyfriend that lived in Lagos.We were crazy lovers kinda,on today off the next,argue today make up the next...and so on....I had this guy that I was friends with while I was in Lagos,he was much older and somehow I felt safe,we would hangout,talk about my relationship woes and everyother thing(I only said hangout oh before you start thinking of something else).This particular Friday,I was in school and I was off with my boyfriend again,we kinda broke up and it was messy with tears and snort,and 'my friend' asked me to come to Lagos so I won't wound myself with crying and wailing and I innocently agreed! I packed my things and embarked on my journey.
    After 5 long and boring hours I got to Lagos,it took me another 1 hour to get to his own side of lagos and this was around 5pm.He welcomed me into his home,he had friends around too and we all exchanged greetings,he offered me rice and I said till later(if to say I know I for chop that rice).I was still watching tv when my guy went inside the room,few minutes later he came out and he asked me to bring my things inside(we were friends and used to eachother,no biggie na) innocently again,I strolled into the room and this bros was already positioned on the bed! I tried to ignore him and act like nothing was wrong! He told me to come sit down to discuss,he was on the bed I was on the wooden chair in the room! Na so bros drag my hand to his bulging crotch and started accusing me of been responsible for it oh(shuu how na,we were meteres apart).He started giving me the 'c'mon you are not a baby na,you know what am trying to do' sermon.I told him to let go and to also erase any thought of a sexual act between us! His face changed like person wey smell shit it was then I knew there was fire on the mountain and the time was past 6pm! I jokingly said 'if you know this is how we will be struggling all night let me start going to my house oh(and the house I was shouting nobody knows am in Lagos,traffic was going to make me end up at home around 12am),I felt after saying this his Agro was going to calm down! Na lie bros took my advice whole heartedly! He ordered me to 'get up' and 'get my things' that he was going to drop me off at the junction at around 7pm with nowhere to go! Mehn some of the male clan are just plain wicked oh! All because I no wan chop banana,is it by force? Han Han! I got up,picked my things and he dropped me off! I remember slamming his car door like it was his head I was slamming!
      I was under Ojuelegba bridge in Lagos,7pm,low ba3 with my bag like a homeless fellow!I checked my purse and I had just the exact amount to take me where I was going! The only option I had was to call my boyfriend! Yeah you remember him? The one I mentioned earlier that we broke up! Luckily for me,my boyfriend wanted me back but I was still doing Shakara! My Shakara ended that night oh before lagos boys snatch me and I end up eating more than one banana in one night! I called him up with my half dead battery to confirm if he was at home(my boyfriend now my ex tho,lies a lot so I didn't really believe him,it was a 50/50 chance) praying on the other side that he was truly at home,Few minutes later,I got to his place! Thank heavens he was at home! He asked where I was coming from,a part of me wanted to scream 'SURPRISE VISIT' the other wanted to tell the truth! I eventually told him the truth and he laughed at my sorry self! I sent a very disturbing and life threatening message to this my so called friend(if you know me well you'll know I could be crazy on the low) and till now I never heard from him!
      Bottom line,this saying that 'having a female friend is just like keeping a chicken as a pet,one day you'll eventually roast it or be tempted to cook jollof with it' is somewhat true.It is very rare to find a male friend as a female that won't eventually want to rip you apart and have a tour around your merchandise! Ladies,always make sure you have emergency money with you just incase you run into someone that thinks with his manhood just like my dear friend.And oh guys,there's something called self-control,it works a lot you should try it out someday....

I MUST MARRY!

        Let's talk about MARRAIGE!!! Yes this word is seen as the essential rite of any living being before they go back to baba God.Lets face reality,some are lucky with it while others are well..not so lucky.I was gisting with my sister and this story came up so I decided to share with you guys...
        There's this aunty of mine that wanted to get married some few years back.She was in her late 20's and well all her friends were taken and she wanted to be taken too! My mum tried to hook her up with every single man she knew but my aunty will always come back with various excuses(he snores,he's a pastor,his kini is too big etc).Luckily for her she found someone! Errm I dunno how they did it oh,she got pregnant barely one month after meeting this man.Yes he didn't deny the baby,he agreed to marry her and wedding preparations started.My aunty's parent lived in the village so the wedding had to be done in the village(and you know all this villages where everyone knows eachother).Few weeks into the wedding,the supposed husband started acting up,he started womanizing and when my aunty tries to confront him he'll beat her up like that was his hobby,he stopped picking her calls and would only call when he felt like it! My aunty came to tell my mum about the new development and my mum advised her to just do an engagement ceremony and let the church wedding be till everything was cleared up! But my aunty refused oh! Even her parents refused! Their excuse was 'ehn we have told everyone in the village,we can't be put to shame,she must do the wedding,God will reboot his head and yeah she was still pregnant.Few days to the wedding,my guy showed up again(atleast he didn't embarass his bride totally).Even with the fact that he showed up,my aunty was out of love already and the marraige was more like an obligation.
      On the wedding day,one could easily see the sorrow In her face and everyone was screaming at her to cheer up.She was a sorrowful bride,the groom pretended as if nothing was wrong(isn't that what the male folks are good at)they did the traditional wedding and the church wedding that day.She followed her husband's family home after the wedding because that was the normal procedure..but to everyone's surprise she ran back to her father's house the next day,she picked her things and ran to our house in Lagos! She didn't even do honeymoon chai! This was a typical case of love gone sour! My mum begged and persuaded her to go to her husband's house and try to work things out since she was already married to him.Two weeks later she agreed to go back! Everyone was happy for her thinking she'll finally get to enjoy her marriage.Na lie oh... Her pregnancy too was growing and getting bigger so was her suffering in her husbands house.This man would beat her up at any slight mistake and accused her of tying him down with the pregnancy.The one this man did that pained me to the bone marrow was his sister that he brought home to live with them! My aunty would cook and clean up after his sister.One unfortunate day,she was heading to the market but she forgot her purse at home so she had to go back home to get it,when she got home what she saw was jaw dropping and eyes popping....she saw her husband and supposed sister in law doing kerewa! Yes they were pounding eachother like deir lives depended on it! It turned out the 'sister' was his girlfriend and he brought her home to live with them! She got angry and started causing a scene(if to say she know she for just carry her purse they go jejely) he grabbed her and tied her hands behind her and flogged her thoroughly with a broom! Yes he dealt with his pregnant wife because of his girlfriend.
       Finally,it was time for her to give birth and as usual her husband didn't even show up he went away without a care in the world! He came back before the baby christening just so he could give his daughter a name.He didn't want to have anything to do with the mother or the baby...when the baby was a year old,my aunty finally had the courage to file for a divorce,they got divorced and that was the end of that marraige!
       The pressure society,family and friends gives shouldn't push us into making life threatening decisions.Marraige isn't something one should rush into just because everyone is getting married.She saw the signs from scratch but she still went ahead all because she wanted to be addressed as a 'MRS' Dear sir/ma,I know waiting could be tiring but just see it as God preparing you for the best.Try to live life to the fullest and work on been a better person.....

TO BLEACH OR NOT TO BLEACH???

   This particular topic is something almost every Nigerian girl is guilty of! Yes even me...after writing down this topic,Patoranking ft Olamide-ki lo de te'n bora came to my mind! Girls have used all sorts of names to explain this act,ranging from toning,lightening,even bleaching! As for me I just toned oh.

     Looking at my pictures from secondary school and now I look totally different mehn,not like am a full blown light skinned girl now,but compared to my skin color then it's totally different! Same thing applies to some girls I know,the only difference is that some of them are whiter than Oyinbo now! After bleaching,you'll see Instagram handles like 'whiteDiva' 'whiteBerry' as if no o they were given birth to white! Don't get me wrong tho! I can't crucify anybody for deciding to bleach and become white! It's perfectly normal not to have the same skin color over the years,the weather is changing,hormones are changing,the food we eat isn't the same and oh boyfriends are changing too(if you know what I mean).

    However,we all have our various reasons for wanting to change our skin color.There was a time I had this very horrible pigmentation on my face and I was desperate for a solution! Google became my best friend and I'll ask any clean looking babe I see for what body cream she was using! Yeah that's how desperate I was! I found quite a couple of self acclaimed facial therapist tho,ranging from Bismid to iya Tega(unilag girls supplier).Some people just believe going some few shades lighter will make them beautiful,while some just wanna be white so their market can sell more! Believe it or not,peer pressure makes some people bleach too! They don't wanna be the black sheep of the crew,forgetting that black is beautiful! I would give Anyfin to have the Genevieve or kelly Rowland kind of complexion sha! The issue of dark knuckles come into the scene too,I found out dark knuckles atimes isn't as a result of bleaching! Anyone can end up with dark knuckles even guys! I have this male cousin that wanted to be fresh like Wizkid at all cost! My nigga will rub all sorts of cheap things ranging from GnG,bioclaire,funbactA,sivoclair and the rest o! Atlast he got a solution! I even thought my cousin don arrive oh,not knowing he just started! He got light at first and he had the opportunity to be wizkid for one month! After one month,my cousin burnt like dodo wey den forget for fire! His skin would make you throw up,I just  kept on wondering if it was really worth it!
      What shall it profit a babe to bleach and her furo still remains black? That place is hard to bleach mehn! This post is actually gonna be a short one tho but we need to take our time and think about the implications of bleaching that skin(you don't even know if your future husband won't like light skinned girls! No husband for you niyen o),see if it's worth it before doing it,if you feel it is,why not my sister/brother bleach away jare....