*singing* Falantine(Valentine) is coming!!! Finally we are in February after what seemed like a never ending January,and I can already see all kinds of Valentine memes and people saving up to wow their lovers.I have never really celebrated Valentine or gotten reasonable gifts so I don't usually look forward to the dreaded 'February 14'. The date made me remember a particular Valentine that made me cry from the bustop to my house...
I was in secondary school preparing to write my senior WAEC,I had this boyfriend that was way older than I was(have always had a thing for older guys) he was in his early 20's and obviously he had more experience than me.He would Come see me at home almost every weekend because my mum believed they can't impregnate any of her daughters under her roof,so she preferred people coming over(all na wash we still smooched ourself under her watch).I didn't even know if I was in love or I was just excited about having 'an experienced boyfriend'.Valentine was approaching and the excitement was increasing because I knew I was going to get a Valentine present at last!
The 'D day' finally came and fortunately it was on a weekend! No school!!!!! I woke up early,had my bath,rubbed my white powder with lipgloss and black lip liner to go with a dash of pink lipstick to add flavor to it! I sat down waiting for my Prince Charming.Finally he came with the goody bag,I literarily yanked it off his hand! It contained a perfume,a pack of underwear,a flower vase with fake flowers in it and a bar of chocolate.My face flushed and a black girl like me was blushing,I hugged him and hugged the gifts more.We talked a bit and we agreed to see later in the day he said he was gonna take me to 'Mr biggs'.I begged my mother to let me leave the house and she finally agreed after so much swearing and promises.
I ran to my wardrobe and tried picking out something to wear,I remember he said 'don't wear red and white like a small girl oh' so anything red and white was out of it.I finally got something to wear and embarked on my Valentine journey.He gave me a bustop to wait so he'll come pick me up,when I got to the bustop I called his number like 20 times before his friend finally picked the call! I asked where he was and his friend said he was coming to pick me up.Few minutes later his friend appeared and told me to follow him,we passed Mr Biggs this boy didn't stop oh,but I couldn't talk till we finally got to our destination and I saw guest house on top! I thought to myself 'ore today na today they will snatch your virginity here today' my heart began to race.When we got to the bar,His friend asked me what I wanted to drink and I sharply replied 'nothing' I just kept asking about my boyfriend.My boyfriend finally appeared holding the key to a room.I just laughed inside me.He asked me to follow him to discuss somethings(I just thought to myself who be mumu) I told him whatever he wants to discuss can be discussed outside there.He kept on insisting and I got angry and told him I wanted to go home.While all this convincing was going on,I noticed his friend was just acting tensed and going out and coming in.As I was about to leave he told me to wait outside so he can drop the key,just right outside the guest house,I saw another girl all dressed in red,white and gold with heels and gold purse! Something just told me she was there to see 'our boyfriend' so I moved closer to her and said hello.She replied me back and she had the thickest female voice have ever heard,I told her my name she told me hers,I Introduced myself as my boyfriend's friend and asked her if she was his girlfriend,She shyly said 'Yes' with love written all over her.Obviously,Mr boyfriend had satisfied himself sexually before I came that's why he couldn't pick my call! He came out and met us talking,and I was just there holding back the tears,immediately he came I dusted my slippers and was heading home he was trying to chase Me and all he said was 'ehn when you said you are a Virgin nko' that was when the tears rolled down and I don't even know how I got home,I went home with tears and when my mum saw me she thought he had raped me.I explained to her and she just laughed and said 'welcome to the world of men'.Few days later I discovered the package he brought had my name written on it,obviously he was sharing gifts that day and didn't want to mix it up!
My dear sister does your boo belong to only you? Your lover should show you love on a daily basis but Valentine's Day should add a little flavour to the relationship.Just incase u'll be spending Valentine's Day in your father's house glued to your phone don't worry you are not alone we are in this together.Just incase you are single don't worry your turn too will come,with a true and genuine Valentine with the man that loves you.
P.S-you can start mailing in the Valentine's presents....
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Saturday, 23 January 2016
YORUBA 'DEMONESS'
I am quite certain we have all seen a truck load of memes about 'Yoruba boys/demons',every meme with different hilarious and relatable content.Truth is,every man/woman has a special demon within them.Some of us decide to unleash our demon everyday while the rest of us decide to bring it out only when needed..See everybody screaming Yoruba demon and forget to remember there's also the silently dangerous counterpart! The Yoruba DEMONESS!!!
My friend has been dating his Yoruba girlfriend for over two years,the first year of the relationship was filled with various romantic activities,social media flaunting and the rest of all those other things you'll want in a standard relationship.Fast forward to the half of the second year,things began to change,distance set In,lack of communication and understanding,they would fight and argue at every little thing.Insecurity became their watchword.Families were already involved in the relationship and they seem inseparable.Little by little madam started deleting her boyfriends picture from her social media page.She would delete and readd him again on her BBM and one would think everything is back to normal.While they were back on their pretence normalty,she mentioned her wanting to go on a vacation out of the country later that year,and her boyfriend started making plans of how to contribute financially to the vacation.Then came the shocker,she finally dropped the bombshell,she told him she was no longer interested in the relationship and everyone should go their separate ways,my friend obviously didn't see that coming because he broke down into tears! One would think that was the end of the action film,he woke up the next day to find out his girlfriend already left the country barely 24hrs after she left him! As if that wasn't enough bad news for one day,two weeks after,she announced her engagement! People started calling my friend to congratulate him and he was confused about what was going on.People around them thought he was the one that proposed to her,meanwhile it's another bros entirely!
Now how's that for a Yoruba DEMONESS! I just sat down in my head wishing I could interview her and ask her different questions! For how long as she been seeing the other guy for her to agree to marry him? Was she getting older and couldn't wait for my friend? Was she out of love with him already? Or was it just pure wickedness! Male/female.Igbo/Yoruba/Hausa anyone is capable of hurting us! But Yoruba boys surely have a way of dancing disco with your heart,show you love and kick you to the curbs!!!!!!
P.S-my friend has already vowed to become a Yoruba Demon too,so please anywhere you see him flee.....
My friend has been dating his Yoruba girlfriend for over two years,the first year of the relationship was filled with various romantic activities,social media flaunting and the rest of all those other things you'll want in a standard relationship.Fast forward to the half of the second year,things began to change,distance set In,lack of communication and understanding,they would fight and argue at every little thing.Insecurity became their watchword.Families were already involved in the relationship and they seem inseparable.Little by little madam started deleting her boyfriends picture from her social media page.She would delete and readd him again on her BBM and one would think everything is back to normal.While they were back on their pretence normalty,she mentioned her wanting to go on a vacation out of the country later that year,and her boyfriend started making plans of how to contribute financially to the vacation.Then came the shocker,she finally dropped the bombshell,she told him she was no longer interested in the relationship and everyone should go their separate ways,my friend obviously didn't see that coming because he broke down into tears! One would think that was the end of the action film,he woke up the next day to find out his girlfriend already left the country barely 24hrs after she left him! As if that wasn't enough bad news for one day,two weeks after,she announced her engagement! People started calling my friend to congratulate him and he was confused about what was going on.People around them thought he was the one that proposed to her,meanwhile it's another bros entirely!
Now how's that for a Yoruba DEMONESS! I just sat down in my head wishing I could interview her and ask her different questions! For how long as she been seeing the other guy for her to agree to marry him? Was she getting older and couldn't wait for my friend? Was she out of love with him already? Or was it just pure wickedness! Male/female.Igbo/Yoruba/Hausa anyone is capable of hurting us! But Yoruba boys surely have a way of dancing disco with your heart,show you love and kick you to the curbs!!!!!!
P.S-my friend has already vowed to become a Yoruba Demon too,so please anywhere you see him flee.....
MIND YOUR BUSINESS
Happy New Year my fellow adventurers!!!!!! Yes my year just started officially..whoop whoop *drumroll* ok enough of the serenre..I was just lying down and this interesting story popped up in my head again.I bet you can't wait to read it,busy body!!!! This particular incident happened in a state University in Nigeria...
Just like every girl likes to be hooked up with the 'innit' 'I just got back' boys,this babe wasn't left out..Friend A has a brother that just got back from the states,and decided to hook her brother up with friend B.Friend B finally met with the brother and they started their supposed love journey.The babe already had different ideas of what she'll use the dollars she'll get from her new boo to get,but unfortunately Mr 'I just got back' turned out to be a stingy rat!! Overtime,madam began to loose interest until they got into a thick argument.During the course of the argument,bros called friend B a 'hoe',apparently this didn't go down well with madam and out of anger she started spilling the dirty tea.She went as far as revealing to the brother all the dirty things his supposed innocent sister does behind closed door,and that he has no right to call her ashawo! That's how the brother took it personal oh,he called a family meeting and his sister was embarrassed in front of the whole family!
Friend A got angry,and planned a revenge with other friends for friend B.On a hot sunny afternoon(atleast I'll like to imagine the sun was really shining),friend A and her crew stormed into friend B's hostel,they invaded her room and tore her cloth to pieces,they beat her up and proceeded into making a video of her NAKED(trust me I watched this video oh).She was commanded to open all her 'office' and a close shot of it was taken.The angry girls then decided to put out the video for everyone to enjoy! Trust Nigerians na,that's the kinda thing we like..within a short period of time the video went viral,from students,to lecturers,to security guards even indigenes around the school,and at last the admin section of the school! Ghen ghen..things just got real!!!!
The perpetrators were summoned and a panel was setup..after much scrutiny,the girls were found guilty..the university authority decided to rusticate them all..the one that pained me most was the girl that wasn't involved in the beating and videoing,but all she Did was bump into them in the room and screamed 'haa see punani' she was rusticated too! Friend B had to leave the school out of shame and that was the last anyone heard about her..
There is something called 'the girl code' no matter how angry or what ever situation you find yourself you shouldn't break it!! Think well before carrying out some actions,the consequences might end up in a disatrous manner! Did Friend B even deserve such treatment? And above all learn to mind your business....
Just like every girl likes to be hooked up with the 'innit' 'I just got back' boys,this babe wasn't left out..Friend A has a brother that just got back from the states,and decided to hook her brother up with friend B.Friend B finally met with the brother and they started their supposed love journey.The babe already had different ideas of what she'll use the dollars she'll get from her new boo to get,but unfortunately Mr 'I just got back' turned out to be a stingy rat!! Overtime,madam began to loose interest until they got into a thick argument.During the course of the argument,bros called friend B a 'hoe',apparently this didn't go down well with madam and out of anger she started spilling the dirty tea.She went as far as revealing to the brother all the dirty things his supposed innocent sister does behind closed door,and that he has no right to call her ashawo! That's how the brother took it personal oh,he called a family meeting and his sister was embarrassed in front of the whole family!
Friend A got angry,and planned a revenge with other friends for friend B.On a hot sunny afternoon(atleast I'll like to imagine the sun was really shining),friend A and her crew stormed into friend B's hostel,they invaded her room and tore her cloth to pieces,they beat her up and proceeded into making a video of her NAKED(trust me I watched this video oh).She was commanded to open all her 'office' and a close shot of it was taken.The angry girls then decided to put out the video for everyone to enjoy! Trust Nigerians na,that's the kinda thing we like..within a short period of time the video went viral,from students,to lecturers,to security guards even indigenes around the school,and at last the admin section of the school! Ghen ghen..things just got real!!!!
The perpetrators were summoned and a panel was setup..after much scrutiny,the girls were found guilty..the university authority decided to rusticate them all..the one that pained me most was the girl that wasn't involved in the beating and videoing,but all she Did was bump into them in the room and screamed 'haa see punani' she was rusticated too! Friend B had to leave the school out of shame and that was the last anyone heard about her..
There is something called 'the girl code' no matter how angry or what ever situation you find yourself you shouldn't break it!! Think well before carrying out some actions,the consequences might end up in a disatrous manner! Did Friend B even deserve such treatment? And above all learn to mind your business....
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