MY FUNNY VALENTINE

    *singing* Falantine(Valentine) is coming!!! Finally we are in February after what seemed like a never ending January,and I can already see all kinds of Valentine memes and people saving up to wow their lovers.I have never really celebrated Valentine or gotten reasonable gifts so I don't usually look forward to the dreaded 'February 14'. The date made me remember a particular Valentine that made me cry from the bustop to my house...
        I was in secondary school preparing to write my senior WAEC,I had this boyfriend that was way older than I was(have always had a thing for older guys) he was in his early 20's and obviously he had more experience than me.He would Come see me at home almost every weekend because my mum believed they can't impregnate any of her daughters under her roof,so she preferred people coming over(all na wash we still smooched ourself under her watch).I didn't even know if I was in love or I was just excited about having 'an experienced boyfriend'.Valentine was approaching and the excitement was increasing because I knew I was going to get a Valentine present at last!
        The 'D day' finally came and fortunately it was on a weekend! No school!!!!! I woke up early,had my bath,rubbed my white powder with lipgloss and black lip liner to go with a dash of pink lipstick to add flavor to it! I sat down waiting for my Prince Charming.Finally he came with the goody bag,I literarily yanked it off his hand! It contained a perfume,a pack of underwear,a flower vase with fake flowers in it and a bar of chocolate.My face flushed and a black girl like me was blushing,I hugged him and hugged the gifts more.We talked a bit and we agreed to see later in the day he said he was gonna take me to 'Mr biggs'.I begged my mother to let me leave the house and she finally agreed after so much swearing and promises.
        I ran to my wardrobe and tried picking out something to wear,I remember he said 'don't wear red and white like a small girl oh' so anything red and white was out of it.I finally got something to wear and embarked on my Valentine journey.He gave me a bustop to wait so he'll come pick me up,when I got to the bustop I called his number like 20 times before his friend finally picked the call! I asked where he was and his friend said he was coming to pick me up.Few minutes later his friend appeared and told me to follow him,we passed Mr Biggs this boy didn't stop oh,but I couldn't talk till we finally got to our destination and I saw guest house on top! I thought to myself 'ore today na today they will snatch your virginity here today' my heart began to race.When we got to the bar,His friend asked me what I wanted to drink and I sharply replied 'nothing' I just kept asking about my boyfriend.My boyfriend finally appeared holding the key to a room.I just laughed inside me.He asked me to follow him to discuss somethings(I just thought to myself who be mumu) I told him whatever he wants to discuss can be discussed outside there.He kept on insisting and I got angry and told him I wanted to go home.While all this convincing was going on,I noticed his friend was just acting tensed and going out and coming in.As I was about to leave he told me to wait outside so he can drop the key,just right outside the guest house,I saw another girl all dressed in red,white and gold with heels and gold purse! Something just told me she was there to see 'our boyfriend' so I moved closer to her and said hello.She replied me back and she had the thickest female voice have ever heard,I told her my name she told me hers,I Introduced myself as my boyfriend's friend and asked her if she was his girlfriend,She shyly said 'Yes' with love written all over her.Obviously,Mr boyfriend had satisfied himself sexually before I came that's why he couldn't pick my call! He came out and met us talking,and I was just there holding back the tears,immediately he came I dusted my slippers and was heading home he was trying to chase Me and all he said was 'ehn when you said you are a Virgin nko' that was when the tears rolled down and I don't even know how I got home,I went home with tears and when my mum saw me she thought he had raped me.I explained to her and she just laughed and said 'welcome to the world of men'.Few days later I discovered the package he brought had my name written on it,obviously he was sharing gifts that day and didn't want to mix it up!
     My dear sister does your boo belong to only you? Your lover should show you love on a daily basis but Valentine's Day should add a little flavour to the relationship.Just incase u'll be spending Valentine's Day in your father's house glued to your phone don't worry you are not alone we are in this together.Just incase you are single don't worry your turn too will come,with a true and genuine Valentine with the man that loves you.
 P.S-you can start mailing in the Valentine's presents....