WAKA WAKA..

 

*singing* I woke up flawless--nah that's a lie! I woke with a swollen mouth(this is what happens when you are blessed with a Pomo lips) swollen eyes,and slight mouth odour from yesterday's onion(Suya something)...yes! I remember this gist am about to drop vividly and yes this one happened to me!! *covers face*
    I was in my 2nd year in Uni and I had this boyfriend that lived in Lagos.We were crazy lovers kinda,on today off the next,argue today make up the next...and so on....I had this guy that I was friends with while I was in Lagos,he was much older and somehow I felt safe,we would hangout,talk about my relationship woes and everyother thing(I only said hangout oh before you start thinking of something else).This particular Friday,I was in school and I was off with my boyfriend again,we kinda broke up and it was messy with tears and snort,and 'my friend' asked me to come to Lagos so I won't wound myself with crying and wailing and I innocently agreed! I packed my things and embarked on my journey.
    After 5 long and boring hours I got to Lagos,it took me another 1 hour to get to his own side of lagos and this was around 5pm.He welcomed me into his home,he had friends around too and we all exchanged greetings,he offered me rice and I said till later(if to say I know I for chop that rice).I was still watching tv when my guy went inside the room,few minutes later he came out and he asked me to bring my things inside(we were friends and used to eachother,no biggie na) innocently again,I strolled into the room and this bros was already positioned on the bed! I tried to ignore him and act like nothing was wrong! He told me to come sit down to discuss,he was on the bed I was on the wooden chair in the room! Na so bros drag my hand to his bulging crotch and started accusing me of been responsible for it oh(shuu how na,we were meteres apart).He started giving me the 'c'mon you are not a baby na,you know what am trying to do' sermon.I told him to let go and to also erase any thought of a sexual act between us! His face changed like person wey smell shit it was then I knew there was fire on the mountain and the time was past 6pm! I jokingly said 'if you know this is how we will be struggling all night let me start going to my house oh(and the house I was shouting nobody knows am in Lagos,traffic was going to make me end up at home around 12am),I felt after saying this his Agro was going to calm down! Na lie bros took my advice whole heartedly! He ordered me to 'get up' and 'get my things' that he was going to drop me off at the junction at around 7pm with nowhere to go! Mehn some of the male clan are just plain wicked oh! All because I no wan chop banana,is it by force? Han Han! I got up,picked my things and he dropped me off! I remember slamming his car door like it was his head I was slamming!
      I was under Ojuelegba bridge in Lagos,7pm,low ba3 with my bag like a homeless fellow!I checked my purse and I had just the exact amount to take me where I was going! The only option I had was to call my boyfriend! Yeah you remember him? The one I mentioned earlier that we broke up! Luckily for me,my boyfriend wanted me back but I was still doing Shakara! My Shakara ended that night oh before lagos boys snatch me and I end up eating more than one banana in one night! I called him up with my half dead battery to confirm if he was at home(my boyfriend now my ex tho,lies a lot so I didn't really believe him,it was a 50/50 chance) praying on the other side that he was truly at home,Few minutes later,I got to his place! Thank heavens he was at home! He asked where I was coming from,a part of me wanted to scream 'SURPRISE VISIT' the other wanted to tell the truth! I eventually told him the truth and he laughed at my sorry self! I sent a very disturbing and life threatening message to this my so called friend(if you know me well you'll know I could be crazy on the low) and till now I never heard from him!
      Bottom line,this saying that 'having a female friend is just like keeping a chicken as a pet,one day you'll eventually roast it or be tempted to cook jollof with it' is somewhat true.It is very rare to find a male friend as a female that won't eventually want to rip you apart and have a tour around your merchandise! Ladies,always make sure you have emergency money with you just incase you run into someone that thinks with his manhood just like my dear friend.And oh guys,there's something called self-control,it works a lot you should try it out someday....